Not the Best Beginning
I worry too much. I think that’s my biggest problem above everything else. I just worry too damn much. This job of mine’s got me a little bit worried. I don’t even know why really. It’s all just a big jumble of a mess up there right now. My mind I mean. Just like my room. It’s the messiest I’ve ever seen it in my life. I could barely get to my bed without stepping on something. It’s really disheartenning to even look at it. Kinda like looking at my all too rosy situation.
Strictly speaking, I’m in a very good place. Got a job. Some would say a career even. Got a home to go to. Got family. Got good health albeit slightly overweight. OK really overweight, but whatever. Even got some money now. In fact, I’m about to get an even bigger part in my job than before thanks to some restructuring of the company. Everyone around me is calling it a "Golden Opportunity". Funny. That’s not what I see. When I accepted this job, I knew I was a fledgling IT guy just trying to learn the ropes. So how exactly does that work when I’m suddenly about to be thrown into a role I still know nothing about? Every step I’ve taken so far have been fraught with mistakes. Some so stupid I wonder how I even made them. So now they want to make me do what my boss did without his help? Talk about walking into a minefield. So now, they want me to do things that I’ve never done or even seen done before with even higher stakes. Sign me up! There is such a thing as throwing a sheep to the wolves you know. BAAAAAA
Just bloody wonderful. They gave me two four day weekends to stew this over. My that was a lovely four day weekend. Just sitting there worrying about just how badly I’m gonna screw everything up. Boo Yeah! Can’t wait till they fire me for sheer incompetence!
It’s not all doom and gloom I suppose. I could hunker down and study like I’ve never studied before…Out of a book! All it means is the destruction of any semblance of a free life. And you know, abandoning an aspect of my life that’s been with me for almost 20 years. That’s probably what all this comes down to. When all the cards are laid out, where is there space for my one passion in life? There isn’t is there. So why bother. Why don’t I just pack up all my consoles and games, drive around to people’s houses and just give it to them outright. Hell, I can’t play’em. Why have them take up space in my house…..Can’t do it though. Just couldn’t do it. Sorry Lemon. You came this close to owning a Wii, a PS3, another 360, and a buttload of games. I couldn’t picture my life without them. You might as well take away the air I breathe.
So there you have it folks. A table overcrowded with cards. With me somewhere below that pile. I wonder what would happen if I just walk away? In one form or another, just walk away. Let the table collapse under the weight. If I walk away, I wouldn’t have to care. Hell, where would I walk away to. That probably scares me more than this. I guess I’m staying put.
I worry too much. I really do. For all I know, I’ll come out of this better than I was before. I just can’t seem to see that though. Stupid chemical imbalance in my brain. At least, that’s my best guess as to why I tend to go on these little emotional roller coaster rides. Hey what do you know, this blog lives up to the intended name of the blog. Cool!
PS Oh wait! I almost forgot. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
