I’m pretty sure I’m not bipolar….

212,

I’ve really let myself go haven’t I?  212!  Ugh!  I’ve been wanting to write this blog since last week.  I guess I should explain why I haven’t blogged for almost 2 months, but before that, have you got half an hour?  Comfy seat?  Maybe even some water on hand.  I don’t quite know what I’m going to write, but I can almost guarantee you, it’s going to be a long read (Sorry Steve.  I guess I’ll just summarize it to you the next time we meet or something).  I’ve got over 2 months of material to work with here.

I guess the main reason is that between now and then, nothing’s changed.  I’ve just been trying to pick up the pieces.  But now, something has changed.  I just don’t understand why it doesn’t seem to change anything.  Wow, that was cryptic.  Cryptic-er than I thought it would be in fact.  About a week ago, I got hired on a temp basis for this failure analysis company as an IT guy.  If they like me, they’ll hire me full time.  This should be by all accounts a reason to be happy.  Here is my chance to finally be a more complete human being.  Instead, here I am bemoaning just how depressed I am by this prospect.  I don’t get it either.  Seriously!  All I can think about is just how much harder I’m going to hit the ground once I fall.  That with a dose of "I don’t belong in an office."  Kinda like how King Kong doesn’t belong in New York City.  You know how that ends for him.  I want to be happy again.  I really do, but something is wrong here.  When I found out that I was hired, it ruined my entire day.  I was just stunned by it.  I’m hoping that once I’m actually there, I can get over myself.  Maybe this will be the best thing that ever happenned in my life.  Who knows.  I’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Have you noticed just how melodramatic all that was?  That’s the other thing that’s depressing the crap out of me.  I’ve gotten completely melodramatic in the past month and a half.  "Look!  There’s a bird trying to fly, but one of it’s wings is broken…Just like me."  "Look!  There’s a cloud in the sky.  I remember it was cloudy on my last day at Sega."  AAARRRRGGHGHHH!  Who the hell is this guy!  He’s me apparently, and I hate him.  Very much mind you.  Oh, how I hate him!

This IT job wasn’t the only job I’ve tried to get.  About 3 weeks ago, I applied for a phone operator job at Sony.  I would’ve handled customer calls about their PS3s and PSPs.  The funny thing is that I originally came in to apply for another game tester job.  When the recruiter looked at my resume, she said that I was qualified for the phone operator job.  When she told me that it would be higher paid, I decided to make the dive.  Turns out the swimming pool was empty though.  I went as far as the meet and greet which was the last step before they actually decide whether to hire me or not.  I never heard back from them since.  I figure it was probably for the best that I didn’t get that job.  I would’ve went insane in a day’s time.

I found that job from Craigslist.  You know what else I found on Craigslist.  Them.  About a month ago, I answered an ad that Mario posted.  He was looking for game reviewers.  I figured "What have I got to lose."  I’ve been coming to their weekly staff meeting for the past month now.  The best part about this isn’t the fact that I get to write game reviews.  It’s them.  I haven’t been able to talk about video games in a good long while.  Around them, I can bounce off some of my thoughts about the upcoming video games and stuff.  Aside from them, I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about video games.

Let’s see, what else happenned in the past month or so.  Well, I went to Chicago.  Nice enough place I suppose.  Deep dish pizza rules!  Also I went to Lake Tahoe just last week.  Pretty lake.  Just because it was so close by, we went to Reno for a half a day as well.  Not much have changed there.  On our way home, we stopped by Cache Creek.  Again because it was so close by.  I wish I knew we were going to Cache Creek before we actually went there.  My mother told me that she talked told me before.  I racked my brains trying to think of when she told me, but I can’t remember when at all.  Never hang around a casino when you’re depressed I tell you.  Listening to all that sound of winning just reminds you of how much of it you’re not going to get.  Speaking of which.  If every slot machine in the world was to make some kind of audible cue everytime you lost, I bet you that being in casinos would be a deafening experience.

There’s more to tell you actually.  Much more.  It’s just that I’ve gotten far too tired as it is to keep writiting.  Good night folks.  May your seratonin levels be far higher than mine.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 11:45 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.