I’m pretty sure I’m not bipolar….

Like all good coins, there’s a flipside to that great unending happiness.  Have you ever been sad?  Not just sad-movie sad, I mean sad-without-hope  sad, the kind of sadness without any end in sight.  I’m sure you have, but have you ever felt it without any reason?  You just woke up one day knowing that everything in your life is going to unravel.  You just know it.  It’s like you had a dream about your future and all you see in it is great sadness.  Without any hesitation, you accept it as truth.  Mind you I didn’t have a bad dream or anything.  I said It’s "like" you had a sad, depressing dream.  On that day, nothing seems to have a point.  Smiling is a sin.  Breathing is a means to continue the depression that you’re in.  You just stop caring about everything around you.  You just are.  Without reason or purpose.

As much as I hate days like these, they are a signal to me.  The very next day, I get one of those very, very happy days.   This cycle of very sad days and very happy days doesn’t happen very often.  In fact, I haven’t had this cycle in a long while now.  Maybe I’m cured?

Have you ever been happy?  I mean really happy?  As in "No force in the
universe is going to make me unhappY" kind of happy?  It’s happened to
me a couple of times.  I can’t explain how or why it happens.  All
I know is that it would hit me like a cold fog ending a heat wave.  It’s
beyond euphoric.  It’s nirvana.  It’s as if no evil could penetrate you
on that day.  In fact you feel like you’re radiating light of goodness
and happiness.  The sounds, the sights, the smells, they all conspire to
make you happy.  No reason can be found, just happiness.  What starts it?
Who knows.  Who cares!  I just want to feel that way again.  I haven’t
felt that "Ultra-happiness" in a long while.  It’d be nice if I could
just have a little taste of it again.